She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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