omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
