I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
