smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that's an acceptable place to lick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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