That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
