I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So many bounce houses so little time
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
