he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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