Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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