There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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