You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
