Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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