my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
