I bet he comes in French.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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