I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
