sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
