after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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