You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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