so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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