Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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