Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
