Screwed.edu
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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