dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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