Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize