Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
