so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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