what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
