do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
