Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
