Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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