i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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