So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
too bad you live with your parents still
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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