HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
