I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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