reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
