a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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