wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
