Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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