Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
