Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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