she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Acid is not a monday night drug
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
