you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
