paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i already hear my dad disowning me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
