also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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