Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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