im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
