Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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