I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
pray to the hookup gods
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
