I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
