Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
