Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
