Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
