You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
