My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
