do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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