Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I enjoy the company of your penis
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
