I look better un-naked...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
