Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I AM VODKA MAN
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
