remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you never un-have a 4some
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
