the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
