I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
