not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
